Sometime since I was here and such a change has come about in two areas of my life.
A dear friend of mine has died. We hadn’t met for two and bit years now but had kept in touch via Skype. Many a giggling, naughty schoolboy in the back of the class subversive chat did we have over the cloud. I always sort him out in the group we were a party to once a year which he named. Le Plod Annuel, Now a bunch of ageing old guys meeting once a year to walk, talk and fork food and pour drink down our necks.
It seems only yesterday . . . .
He and I had a natural affinity having the same pomposity puncturing sense of humour, same total lack of respect for assumed authority, and we shared the very same birthday.
Now I’m going through the, “I can’t believe he’s not there anymore,” process in my head.
J and I are exchanging regular texts since my replacement was found to be a criminal and has morphed into a stalker. We have met, in a pub we met in a couple of times during the good times. A strange event which happened fairly soon after the crim’s ‘outing’.
Now what do I think of J? What do I think of our relationship? Not sure.
Her birthday is coming up and she’s throwing a party which I thought of the theme for, ironically. Do I go? What, I wondered, would I feel if we slid towards the bed? And did the deed? Her having let the crim into her garden and dumped me for that. That someone who treated her so shallow, and now harasses her to reclaim a chattel not as she were a real human individual. A person in her own right. He hunts her like an absconded piece of live stock that’s his of right.
Now I feel it’s her should come to me and prove her feelings to me if we should rekindle the flame but, she’s unsure of herself. So should it be me to bolster her sense of self-worth? Or should I even bother, with the thought that she could reprise her desertion is it worth pursuing at reconciliation?
Am I the biggest fool on the planet for still loving her? Do I love her or is this a matter of injured pride?
