An early start the champagne light in my room, and the sounds of early rising activity from the kitchen. Timmy was pottering about as I put the kettle on to boil. Timmy got a bacon sandwich going I poured a bowl of cereal and the gloom rolled up.
He paced and fidgeted around the kitchen until he got the guts to ask to come with us to Dovedale. of course he was allowed to come with us.
He Not-Worked last night and was Not Working tonight and walking in Dovedale in between so we didn’t ask initially. This is Gloom playing at life and going with us just to prove he could.
I drove. I drove too fast most of the way there. Carpark was nearly empty as we left and headed north along the Dove. The path was slippery and mottled with dark loamy mulched leaf litter. The sky dull silver crazed by dark wet branches. We walked we talked. I walked alone and left Gloom to chat with Timmay. gloom had as was predictable, fucked the day in the arse with a frosted mop.
It got busy about lunch time. We stopped in Milldale where I bought snacks. Sausage roll for Gloom, coffee and pasty for me. We wandered on a little, played pooh sticks at a bridge. We walked back to Milldale. We toiletted and walked back. It was really busy by the time we walked back to the car park where Gloom bought us ice creams.
All the time I was thinking about, missing, looking out for, and dreading meeting J. Every blond bob I saw I looked expecting dreaded and hoped it would or wouldn’t be J. If any of the blond heads had turned out to be J I don’t know what I would have done especially had she been with a male adult I didn’t know. A man arm in arm, or holding hands.
This is the classic case of an affair being over, but being unable to let go.
She’s told me that when the practical side of a relationship gets difficult then her feelings wane. But not that her feelings for me wane. But why else tell me that? If it didn’t refer to ‘us’.
