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My own head and what’s in it never ceases to amaze me. Last Monday I had the blackest day for years. Tuesday wasn’t much better. It manifested itself as if J and I had broken-up that day. It was the break-up from the beginning all over again and worse.
I felt totally hopeless and my insanely optimistic mood of the last year had evaporated. My solidly held belief that deep down J still loved me and it was up to me to make a situation where we could be together and happy, was replaced with what many wiser people might call reality. It was over, she has no affection for me whatsoever.
In the afternoon this all became physical. Flash headaches, pains in my back, abdomen, neck and limbs. Disorientation, dizziness, I felt as if I was about to burst into tears about four times during the afternoon and everything seemed hopeless.
Where had all this come from? I liked my deluded world of reconciliation and happy ever after. My right fore arm was a mass of insect bites and my appetite was all but gone.
When I got home I went straight to bed and slept. But not particularly well.
My perception of the world was totally changed.
When you think of someone you have a mental picture of them. They have size, colour,and a pose. I do anyway. I wonder if the image reflects anything about how they are, and how they regard you and you them?
Day with no work tomorrow. Saturday is Rob’s remembrance. that’s going to be strange. Back in Bewdley and Kinlet where I spent so much time at George and Cheryl’s place. OMG so many years ago. The seventies!
